Men and Women

When I was in grade 3, I used to walk to the bus stop in the mornings to go to school. There was always this boy there waiting for the bus also. I knew his family and his siblings because they lived up the road and babysat for us a few times. I don’t remember his name but I remember that he was in grade 7 so he was a ‘big kid’. 

For reasons that were unknown to me then, he used to pick on me. He would make fun of what I was wearing, or tease me because he knew how excruciatingly shy I was. And - I never figured out what to say so I just stayed silent. If I ignore it, maybe it will stop - was my strategy. 

It got so bad that I started to dread walking to the bus stop and even tried to fake-sick one day to get my mom to drive me to school. But she had a toddler and an infant at home and that was a no go. 

The event I remember the most started when I arrived at the bus stop and this boy was already there. I could tell he was itching for attention and to get under someone’s skin. It was almost palpable. And I was so scared and so uncomfortable in my skin because I knew something really uncomfortable was going to happen. 

He would goad me and all I knew to do was to stay silent and pretend to ignore him even though it was all I could do to keep from burrowing into the ground and staying there until I was 20. 

On this day, he had a particular fascination with my shoes. And my ignoring him and his teasing seemed to egg him on until at one point, he got up and walked over to me and sort of bent over and leaned his head up against mine so we were both looking down at my shoes. I remember being absolutely terrified and had no idea what to do so I just stayed silent, swallowed my tears and just kept thinking ‘the bus is coming soon’ and ‘this isn’t going to last forever’. 

I actually don’t remember what happened after that but I know that event stayed with me until it resurfaced this week in my healing. I know I’ve been carrying a fear of men ever since. 

There is a certain power dynamic that exists naturally within the relationship between men and women that must be acknowledged and that is the very real issue of physical size and strength. Men are always going to have the advantage here and I feel strongly that they need to consider  this and be mindful of how women might feel in their relationship with them.

There are always things women can do to protect themselves. She is not helpless.  And - she can always feel when a man respects this power dynamic and makes special attempts to make sure she feels safe and secure. It’s so important. 

Men, care for your women really well. We’re having a much different experience in the relationship than you are.