The 'End' in Friend

Relationships are an enormous part of our lives. Not just romantic ones, but all of the relationships we have. Friendships, professional relationships, family, the relationship you have to the sweet soul who works at Meinhardt's up the street, the friend who calls four times from all over the world to argue with everything you say - you know who you are.  

Unfortunately, sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship that we no longer want to be in. If this is a romantic relationship, then the next logical step is to break up with the person and end the relationship. This is a socially acceptable and logical action and it happens all the time. However, what do we do when we’re in a friendship that we no longer want to be in? There’s not really a nice little packaged set of protocols for this one so much.

Removing friends from my life has been particularly challenging for me because of my past and the experiences I had in elementary and high school with being bullied, excluded and excised from social circles. The idea of telling someone that our friendship is effectively over has felt excruciating and like I am doing the same to them that was done to me. This means that I have definitely been in a few friendships in the past that I didn’t want to be in for longer than I wanted to be in them. But I have done a lot of healing around this, especially recently.

This is something that is definitely a work in progress for me, but with practice, self-love, and increased empowerment, it’s getting easier. The more I do it, make the tough choices, the more confident I become in knowing what’s right for me. But frig it’s hard when my choices bring up pain for people I care about. Not that our choices are ever causing pain for others, because we’re not responsible for how others react and feel about what we do and say. What we are responsible for is treating all situations with kindness, respect and honour that EVERYONE deserves, no matter what. But we’re human and empathic (some more than others - #newmoonsolareclipse) and when people are sad, we’re sad. It’s kind of just the way it goes but we can’t allow that to affect our decisions, if we KNOW, in our heart of hearts that this decision is what’s best for us. The better we get to know and love ourselves, the easier it is to know what’s best for us.

We know when we’re not being treated in a way that makes us feel loved and safe and respected and honored the way we would like to and deserve to be. Low self esteem and insecurities can mean that sometimes we make this treatment mean something about the love we feel we deserve, and makes removing ourselves from these relationships difficult. Remember, nothing anyone does or says has anything to do with you. It’s merely a reflection of the experiences that they have endured in their lives. However, it’s not necessary to keep those people in our lives if they’re not able to acknowledge and adjust their behaviour. It’s just an opportunity to stop taking things personally and stand firmly in your love and power.

Removing people from our lives who don’t treat us well is okay. Not only is it okay, it’s really important. It tells that little child inside of you that you’re going to keep them safe and surround them with people who love them. It’s telling the universe ‘mmm no thanks, I’d like something better please’. And it’s telling the person you’re removing that their behaviour has consequences that they may not be thrilled about, which is actually a profound gift to them if they choose to see it as such. It gives them an opportunity to look honestly at themselves and assess where they went wrong and work to make changes so that they can build loving and nurturing relationships themselves. Total win-win.

That being said, if we send them off with anger and judgement and rudeness, we become the proverbial pot who called the kettle black that time. We must treat people with respect and love and honour the person for where they are on their path, unconditionally. I try very hard to always see people in their highest light, even when they may behave in a way that indicates a.….shall we say...discrepancy. So we send them off with love, and honesty and a sincere hope that our actions will be so love-filled that they have no choice but to grow brighter from the experience. If you make tough choices in this way, you will know very quickly whether or not you have done the right thing and when we make a stand on our own behalf (behalfs? Hmm) the Universe will respond accordingly by filling the gap with people who are more in alignment with our path and vibration (LOVE).

It’s important to note that being on the receiving end of any of these decisions is no trip to Chuck E. Cheese but what’s important to remember is that what’s best for the people we care about is ultimately what’s best for us as well, even though it may not be what you want per se and when it feels like someone put a flaming ball of lemons in the center of your chest. I don’t know why lemons, mostly because they sting a lot.

We are the only ones responsible for what happens in our lives. So if you have people around you that are sucking the light out of you or are making you feel less than or you’d rather not be around, find the courage to send them away with love. Having a tribe of awesomeness around you is EVERYTHING.