It’s so so so important to create healthy boundaries in our lives and have the courage, strength and willingness to maintain them. When we neglect to honour ourselves, we end up feeling drained, resentful and confused as to why we feel like crap. Oftentimes, we (especially my sensitive ones) are afraid of conflict and creating negative feelings in others, and would much rather everyone be happy and peaceful at the cost of our own happiness and peace. So we just do (and be) what everyone wants of us until we’re blue in the face. Not ideal.

So, here’s the new plan: speak your truth and hold your boundaries even if the other person doesn't like it. Easier said than done, I realize, but the people who love and honour you will respect your boundaries and deal with their feelings in healthy ways. The ones that don't, won't and then you know who they are and you can send them on their proverbial way! With love, of course.

One of the most common ways that I would dishonour myself and my boundaries in the past was by doing things and making plans with people that I had very little interest in. I did this because thought I was being kind to them and I really wanted to make them happy and avoid hurting their feelings. I was there for everyone all the time, doing the things they wanted me to do and not really having a whole lot of fun. Not only did this make me feel like garbage, I also brought garbage juju with me wherever I was going. People can feel that energy, hellooo. I’m sure everyone has spent time with someone who they knew would rather be somewhere else. It’s not a secret. They're not fooling anyone. I would so much rather this person be honest and honour themselves and me by doing what they wanted to do instead!

Also, side benefit, when we are honest about our feelings and do what we really truly want to do, it then gives other people permission to do the same thing! It was the other people in my life who were honouring their boundaries that really showed me how to honour mine. These people make the boundary-holding a whole lot easier, so it’s a wise strategy to surround yourself with these kinds of people.  Learning how to lovingly speak our truth is both honouring to ourselves and to other people because we protect everyone from said garbage juju. Win-win for everyone, I’d say.

I do realize that there are some events, obligations, and situations that are absolutely necessary to participate in, no matter how much you would rather not. When this is the case, as per the sage wisdom of Ms. Doreen Virtue, ‘Either don’t do the action, or go meditate and pray until you can shift your mind set to one of happiness toward it.’ This comes from her book, ‘Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice’. Anyone else resonate strongly with that title? I read the book in three days and highlighted most of it.

This honouring of boundaries goes far beyond my example of doing things you don’t want to do. Boundary honouring comes in all forms. For example, sticking to your fee schedule when providing a service, being lovingly firm about your time and its worth, honestly revealing your feelings in your relationships, saying no when you want to and yes when you want to (You’re allowed! I said so.), and standing up for yourself, especially to people who intimidate you or make you feel small. The list is endless. Honour yourself by giving yourself permission to live your life the way you want to and experience the joy that comes when you do. Isn’t that the whole reason we’re here?